If I was the Presidente

Dear countrymen,

Ay caramba! I can’t believe how far we’ve come.

Me, a 5′-6″ bug-eyed Merxican has been elected by you to run this 300 million plus country for the next 4 years.

Oh, I’m not Merxican but I know a large percentage of you don’t know the difference between isPain and Merxico so it’s fine. I’m not offended. You can look it up on Gorgle after you spend the next 16 hours glued to your Farcebook feed.

Anyway, Merxico, IsPain, taco, burrito, tomato, potato, chorizo, morcilla de arroz, who cares.
The important thing here is that I’m going to Make Armerica Great Again!

The first thing I’m going to do is meat-grind all Merxicans that are not me.

And then, the rest of the world that is not Armerican.

You see, the fastest way to become number one in the world is to run a one man race.

After we make sausages and hamburger patties with the flesh of the 7 billion non-Armericans we will have food to feed us for eternity.

We will throw the biggest BBQ party in history and keep watching Nerflix and stuffing our faces with infidel meat until the average Armerican weighs 300 lbs which is a about 5% less than today.

How long this will take?

Well, let me know how long it takes to punch in these nuclear codes… I-LOVE-MICKEY-MOUSE and WALMART-IS-GOD…

Done! in about 30 minutes all the non-Armerican meat will be cooked using only 1% of our available nuclear infidel cooking power.

We knew this was coming, we were prepared. The other 99% percent of nuclear heads are there just in case we need to cook some alien meat when we colonize Armdromeda.

Consequences? none amigos. The stupider you are the less you can worry about consequences.

In fact, I’ve lobotomized 60% of my brain so I cannot worry about anything anymore.

And you know what, the less I know, the happier I am.

Of course, if anything goes wrong… well… your taxes will take care of it.

Gracias y adios!

Miguel – The Last Presidente of Armerica

P.S: You didn’t vote for me? no problem, you still have a chance to avoid the BBQ by subscribing to more of these presidential messages HERE.

P.2: If you missed last week’s message you can read it HERE.




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10 thoughts on “If I was the Presidente

  1. Vincent Burkhead Reply

    BRAVO!!!! No need for apologies! Make yourself heard!!!
    But the truth is the people offended by this are PRECISELY the ones you need to reach….

    Can’t we just all get along??? What the FUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK just happened to our country???? Liberal elitists such as myself are still scratching their heads…

    We shall Overcomb…

    or become BBQ beef. 😜

    • Miguel Hernandez Post authorReply

      You are right. I should not be afraid of what the haters think.
      Luckily I have supporters like you which give me strength to keep sharing.
      Thanks for being there VIncent!

  2. Jacob Roig Reply

    Actually Miguel you seem to be going the same direction as the current dictatorship has chosen. Come up with something new! I say we annihilate every non american and ship them to…. Oh Wait, if that includes me then I make a law that makes orange skinned anglo’s with nut sacks under the eyes americans and we ship the rest out to neverland, just saying:-)

    • Miguel Hernandez Post authorReply

      Something tells me Mars is going to be the new Australia for all non-Americans.
      I hope not. In the meantime let’s drown hatred with loads of BBQ sauce of love.

  3. Donna Reply

    You lose my support since you didn’t give us cookies with this message. Peace (of an Orwellian style?), love (for white Armericans only, I assume) and …… what kind of cookies? Bring back the cookies.

    • Miguel Hernandez Post authorReply

      Dear Donna, this speech was written by a dystopian Merxican president unaware of the healing power of the almighty cookie.
      I’ll put your request forward providing I can escape the BBQ in time. Sincerely. Miguel

  4. Kelly Reply

    Well stated! DT is not even respectable enough to take out the trash (even if that’s what he thinks he is doing). He is clearly “hard of thinking”.

    Keep up the great work Miguel! We may soon want you to be the new presidente.

    • Miguel Hernandez Post authorReply

      For sure some kind of recycling program is needed in Washington.
      I took my mental trash out with this post.
      Hopefully it made some room to put more happy thoughts of in it!

  5. Jeff Reply

    I loved it Miguel. Are you familiar with Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal? It made me think of that great piece of satire. It probably wasn’t assigned in Spanish high school.

    • Miguel Hernandez Post authorReply

      Thanks Jeff. Not familiar with Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal but I am about to be in a few minutes thanks to Gorgle 😉

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